How to raise an adult - an eyeopener for parents of high-school students

The book How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims offers a deep dive into parenting and education, urging us to rethink traditional approaches to preparing young people for adulthood. For educators and parents alike, it’s a powerful reminder that true preparation for the future goes beyond grades and college admissions. Here are my top learnings from the book that I believe are particularly relevant for the college admissions and guidance community:

1. The College Admissions Arms Race Is Misguided

One of the most striking revelations is the emphasis on the intense and often unrealistic college admissions arms race. With over 37,000 high schools in the U.S. and only 15,000 seats in the top 12 colleges with selectivity below 10 percent, even the brightest students face challenging odds. It’s crucial to understand that the obsession with elite colleges is often misguided. In fact, studies have shown that students who choose moderately selective colleges often end up with similar career outcomes to those who attended the most elite schools. The takeaway: Encourage students to look beyond rankings and focus on finding a college that genuinely fits their needs and aspirations.

2. Successful People Come From All Kinds of Colleges

An eye-opening exercise is to pick ten individuals you admire and look up their educational backgrounds. Chances are, you’ll find a wide variety of colleges represented. This demonstrates that success is not tied to attending a handful of prestigious institutions. Many of the best colleges, in terms of undergraduate experience, offer close interactions with faculty and meaningful research opportunities. It’s not about the brand name; it’s about the experience and the environment that fosters personal and intellectual growth.

3. Be Realistic About the Odds

Encouraging students to apply to highly selective colleges can sometimes be counterproductive, especially if it’s driven by a desire for prestige rather than fit. If there’s only a five percent chance of acceptance, students should be prepared for the reality that the odds are not in their favor. This doesn’t mean they shouldn’t apply, but they should do so with a healthy mindset, understanding that rejection is not a personal failure. Admissions decisions at elite colleges are not purely about academics; they also consider qualities like kindness, curiosity, and the potential to contribute to a diverse campus community.

4. Thrive Where You Are, Don’t Just Compete

It’s essential to guide students towards colleges where they are likely to thrive, rather than where they feel pressured to compete. Research suggests that being in the top 10 percent of a moderately selective college can offer more opportunities for mentorship, leadership, and growth than being in the middle tier at an elite institution. At many colleges, the top students receive the most attention and resources. Educators should encourage students to seek a place where they can be among the best, not just academically, but as a whole person.

5. Look Beyond the Rankings

Many families rely heavily on rankings like U.S. News or QS, but these can be limiting. Instead, educators should encourage students to explore resources like the Colleges That Change Lives book, Fiske Guide, and platforms like Niche, which offer insights into what truly makes a college experience valuable. This broader exploration will help students identify schools that might not have the prestige of Ivy League institutions but offer a rich, engaging, and supportive academic environment.

These takeaways are a reminder that our role as educators is to guide students towards holistic success, not just academic achievements. Preparing students for adulthood means equipping them with resilience, independence, and the ability to navigate life’s challenges—qualities that often matter more than the name of the college they attend.

At SCHOLARSHIPguy.com, our mission is to guide students like you toward making informed decisions about your education and career paths. We believe that with the right support, no learner should be left behind due to finances. Take advantage of the resources available on SCHOLARSHIPguy.com to explore your options, and know that we’re here to help you achieve your academic and career goals.